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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 3:08 am 
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Me and my pal were walking home from a club last night when we saw two guys grab a girl and pull her into a dark alleway

"should we help?" asked my friend

"No no i think the two of them have got it covered!!"


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 3:09 am 
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What's the difference between Haiti and Hulk Hogan?

Hulk Hogan is well built.........


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 3:10 am 
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What do the Togo team and Tiger Woods have in common?



They wont be using their driver again ..


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 3:12 am 
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I know how those poor buggers in Haiti feel. Last time I had 30 aftershocks I couldn't find my fucking house either.


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 3:03 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:42 am
Posts: 1474
Location: Bradford, UK
Saughton Blues wrote:
I know how those poor buggers in Haiti feel. Last time I had 30 aftershocks I couldn't find my fucking house either.


Excellent!! Particularly like the use of the term "buggers". Its my dads favourite insult at football. "Useless pack of buggers!"

_________________
ARTHUR: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT: Yes I have!
ARTHUR: Look!
BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound.


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 4:31 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 02, 2008 1:04 pm
Posts: 281
Location: Denmark
[quote="Saughton Blues"]Best chat up line ever, guaranteed to get you your hole.

"i have a knife darling, lets not turn this **** into a murder"


is that allan mcgregor's by any chance? :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 6:10 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 11:23 pm
Posts: 351
Location: 29 Palms

_________________
It's a hard way to find out that trouble is real


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 8:12 pm 
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[quote="sonic sphere"][quote="Saughton Blues"]Best chat up line ever, guaranteed to get you your hole.

"i have a knife darling, lets not turn this **** into a murder"


is that allan mcgregor's by any chance? :lol:

Nah Shagger dosn't need to **** anyone. Just some wee skhanky bint tying to extort him for some cash as will be proven soon enough.

Had to expect a comment like that from one of you lot though!

How's about this one......

After today poor result, Celtic are sending Tony Mowbray to his local catholic church, the priest there will show him how to **** bairns properly.

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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 2:25 am 
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A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat *****.


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 2:27 am 
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A man is queuing at the 5 items or less checkout. The girl in front of him turns roundd and looks at his basket. He has a 4 pack of lager and an indian meal for 1. She smiles at him. He looks in her basket and sees a bottle of lambrini and a chinese meal for 1. He says to her "You're single aren't you?" She gives a girly giggle and says "Yes, how did you know?". The man replies "Coz you're an ugly *******!"


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Thu Feb 25, 2010 5:14 am 
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Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 11:23 pm
Posts: 351
Location: 29 Palms
We haven't had a joke for awhile. For you married gents:

THE GRAND WISH

A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach. Sure enough he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish (this happens all the time). He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World.

The Genie pales, and says, "Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, the very fiber of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen."

"OK," the dude says, "Tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me with the best blow job I've ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading. Because SHE LIKES IT, because SHE WANTS TO, because IT TURNS HER ON!!"

The Genie shakes his head and says, "Let me see that map again..."

_________________
It's a hard way to find out that trouble is real


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 1:20 pm 
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How do you know if your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get your **** in her mouth.


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 1:26 pm 
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My bird asked me the other day if i wanted her to slip into something nice, i said "yeah..a coma"


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 1:28 pm 
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I asked my girlfriend to dress up for me tonight

She walked into the bedroom dressed up in a school uniform.

I thought that she would have chosen something a little different considering she wears that 5 days a week anyway.


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 1:30 pm 
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This is pretty sick......

My 3 year old daughter recently asked me why the toilet seat can lift up.

I told her that's how daddy uses it.

She replied, "Oh, so it's like my skirt?"


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