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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 3:25 am 
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Location: Kamloops BC
Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One was a salted


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 6:18 pm 
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Location: En-ger-land
two fish in a tank and one of them says 'so how do you drive this thing?'

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I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

W.B. Yeats (1865–1939)


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Sat Sep 25, 2010 7:48 pm 
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Location: Kamloops BC
What did Jeffery Dahmer say to Lorraina Bobbit?



So.........you gonna eat that?


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:28 pm 
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3 worst things about bein an egg:


1)you only get laid once



2)takes you 4 min. to get hard



3)only female who ever sits on your face is yer mom

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Many believe that the dawning Age of Light or Age of Consciousness defines itself in relation to our capacity for unconditional love, our ability to transcend enemy patterning and victim consciousness while adopting unity consciousness that sees divinity in all things. From this standpoint, it might be said humans are evolving into a “biologically conscious” species capable of holding and sharing the full light of unconditional love.


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:48 pm 
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Posts: 1472
Location: Bradford, UK
The ghosts of George Best and Alex Higgins are extremely happy. They've just heard theres a Winehouse in heaven....

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ARTHUR: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT: Yes I have!
ARTHUR: Look!
BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound.


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 7:45 am 
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Rupert Murdoch has said he is touched by some of the messages friends and family have left on Amy Winehouse's phone

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....as told to a boil on the cab driver's neck, again


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 4:47 pm 
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Posts: 364
Location: on
RIGHT JUST IMAGINE GOD & HIS SPIRIT WIFE THE GODDESS LIVE IN PARADISE TOGETHER WHICH IS EARTH SAY JUST OVER 5000 YEARS AGO THE CREATION IS MAGNIFICENT EVERYTHING IS IN HARMONY THE RACE OF SPIRIT PEOPLE ARE MAGNIFICENT ALSO THERE IS NO MAN & WOMAN EVERYONE JUST LIVES TOGETHER IN ONENESS WITH THE CREATOR GODDESS EVERYONE IS FREE THERES NO HASSLES NO DIS'EASE NO PROBLEMS WHATSOEVER JUST PURE BLISS &
HEAVENLY PEACE ART IS GOING FULL STEAN AHEAD THE GODDESS TURNS TO GOD AND SAYS IM NIPPING OUT TO MY OTHER UNIVERSE FOR 5 MINS WILL YOU LOOK AFTER MY PARADISE FOR ME WHILE IM GONE GOD SAYS SURE SO OUT POPS THE GODDESS SHE RETURNS 5000 YEARS LATER CAUSE TIME DOESNT REALLY EXSIST FOR GOD & GODDESS AND WHEN SHE COMES BACK SHE IS SHOCKED AT WHAT SHE FINDS HER PARADISE LOOKS LIKE A 5000 YEAR LONG PARTY FROM HELL THE RACE OF PEOPLE SHE MADE HAVE BEEN ALL GIVEN INDIVIDUAL NAMES NONE OFF THEM EVEN KNOW WHO THE HELL SHE IS THE EARTH SHE MADE LOOKS LIKE A SICK CANCER BLOATED WITH GARBAGE SEWERS FIRES ARE LIT ALL OVER THE PLACE THERES **** VOMIT & **** & BLOOD EVERYWHERE THERES FUCKING NUCLEAR BOMBS BEING DETONATED IN HER HEAVEN WITH COUNTLESS OTHER TYOPS OF EXPLOSIONS HER RACE OF LOVELY PEACEFUL PEOPLE ARE KILLING ALL ROUND THEM EVEN KILLING THE LITTLE SPIRITUAL CHILDREN SHE CREATED GOD HAS SUDDENLY MULTIPLIED HIMSELF ALL OVER HEAVEN BECAUSE HER RACE IS SO FUCKING BROKEN UP THEY DONT EVEN KNOW WHO GOD IS EITHER THE RACE IS ALL SICK THERE DISEASE EVERYWHERE THERES GODS EVERYWHERE SHE'S SEES THESE THINGS CALLED SHOPS ASKS GOD WHAT IN HEAVEN ARE THESE HE SAYS HE DOESNT KNOW ASK MAN WHOS THIS MAN ASKS THE GODDESS THATS PART OF YOU'RE RACE YOU MADE WHAT SHE SAYS SHE GOES ASKS THIS MAN WHAT IS GOING ON HE SAYS **** OFF WHOEVER YOU ARE THERES WARS EVERYWHERE SO SHE GOES BACK TO LORD GOD & SAYS WHAT IN HEAVEN HAPPENED HERE? GOD LOOKS KINDA SHEEPISH WELL HUM I FORGOT WHAT WAS THAT WORD AGAIN OH YES LOVE I FORGOT HOW TO USE YOU'RE LOVE SO I ASKED THIS NEW FELLA CALLING HIMSELF MAN HOW TO CONTROL YOU'RE CREATION IN HEAVEN AND HE TOLD ME SINCE YOU HAD NIPPED OUT GONE THAT WE WOULDNT NEED YOU FOR A WHILE THEN HE SAID **** IT LETS JUST KEEP THIS PLACE FOR OURSELVES GOD IF YOU'RE NOT WITH ME I'LL NOT SHOW YOU WHAT LOVE IS SO GOD NOT WANTING TO UPSET HIS WIFE BECOMES A MAN SLAVE SO MAN STARTS ASKING HIS GOD SLAVE TO DO CRAZIER & CRAZIER THINGS CAUSE MAN HADNT A CLUE ABOUT LOVE EITHER BUT PRETENDS HE DOES AND HAS GOD RUNNIN AFTER HIM LIKE A GOOD DOG < REMEMBER ITS GOD BACKWARDS SO MAN SAYS IM GOD NOW & GOD SAYS I SUPPOSE I'LL BE MAN THEN AND TOGETHER THEY START THINKIN UP HAIR BRAINED IDEA TO CONTROL HER CREATION PRETENDING ALLTHE TIME THAT THEY ARE TRUE LOVE WHILE THIS IS GOING ON HER RACE GOES FUCKING MAD AS **** THEY DONT EVEN NOW WHAT A SPIRIT EVEN IS MAN SAYS IM GONNA MAKE THIS PARADISE INTO A PLACE CALLED HISTORY AND GOD SAYS THE RACE IS GOING UP THE WALLS IM GONNA MAKE THIS INTO A PLACE CALLED HELL THAT WILL CONTROLTHEM ILL TELL EM THEY CAN GET LOVE IF THEY DONT SIN THATS A GOOD IDEA MAN ISNT IT YEAH SAYS MAN WHATS SIN GOD SAYS ITS A NEW FORM OF CONTROL I PUT IN HELL TO CONTROL MY WIFES CREATION BECAUSE WE TOTALLY FORGOT WHAT HER LOVE IS **** IT SAYS MAN MAKE A NEW THING CALLED HATE OK SAYS GOD AND IVE MADE A NEW INVISIBLE FRIEND TO KEEP MAN AND THIS OTHER NEW THING HE CALLS WOMAN FRIGHTENED INSIDE IM CALLING HIM DEVIL I'LL CONVINCE MAN HES AN INVISIBLE UGLY DARK TROLL TYPE FIGURE WITH HORNS ON HIS HEAD & A TAIL HA THIS IS GREAT FUN FUCKIN ABOUT WITH GODDESS'S CREATION ISNT IT MAN AND MAN SAYS IM CALLING HER RACE FROM NOW ON HUMAN RACE AFTER ME CAUSE IM GOD BOSS NOW IM WITH YOU SAYS GOD I MADE MADE MANS HUMAN RACE ISNT THAT RIGHT MAN GOD SAYS I HAVENT A CLUE WHAT MY GODDESS WIFE IS ON ABOUT HALF THE TIME ANYWAY MAN SAYS **** HER AND ILL **** WOMAN OK GOD GOD SAYS GREAT IDEA MAN YOU SURE ARE A GENIUS ILL TELL YOU WHAT MAN ILL LOVE YOU AND YOU LOVE ME AND WELL JUST KEEP WOMAN AND ILL DITCH THE GODDESS OK I SUPPOSE GOD YOU CAN **** WOMAN AS WELL GOD SAYS TOO RIGHT SO THEN ALL OF THE GODDESS'S CREATION GETS WELL AND TRULY FUCKED TILL SHE GETS BACK ♥ MAN & GOD = LAUREL AND HARDY ONLY THEY NOT FUNNY THEY ARE SICK IN THE SPIRIT AND HEAD CAUSE THEY FORGOT WHAT TRUE LOVE IS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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density of connectedness


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 6:14 am 
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Posts: 351
Location: 29 Palms
Hmmm?? Think I liked the jokes about the peanuts and the egg better.

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jager," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir, but if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

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It's a hard way to find out that trouble is real


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 2:46 pm 
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Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 5:29 pm
Posts: 374
Location: udanax
A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his ***** are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his *****, and hope for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having *** again is even scarier so go ahead. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his ***** pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ***!"

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the truth is that all living beings are struggling to die . . . what stops death is awareness.


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 5:49 pm 
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found a fox and four cubs inside a suitcase while out walking the dog yesterday - rang the RSPCA who said "are they moving?" and I replied that I couldn't tell although it would explain the suitcase

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....as told to a boil on the cab driver's neck, again


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:45 pm 
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terrible news about tesco's burgers containing horse meat instead of 100% beef.. what next... my Lidl pony

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....as told to a boil on the cab driver's neck, again


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 2:23 pm 
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i was stopped in town yesterday by a lady conducting a survey.. she asked me what i knew about dwarfs.... i said "very little"

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....as told to a boil on the cab driver's neck, again


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 Post subject: Re: jokes
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 7:40 pm 
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the most disapproving of the pharaohs was king tut

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....as told to a boil on the cab driver's neck, again


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