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 Post subject: jokes
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 11:18 pm 
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w/a tip of the hat to bobbybourbon..>
i know i could use a good laff right now..

i rear ended a car this morning..the driver got out of the other car,and he was a dwarf!
he looked up atme and said. "i am not happy"!
so i said, ."well,which one are you then.?"
thats how the fight started..>

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Many believe that the dawning Age of Light or Age of Consciousness defines itself in relation to our capacity for unconditional love, our ability to transcend enemy patterning and victim consciousness while adopting unity consciousness that sees divinity in all things. From this standpoint, it might be said humans are evolving into a “biologically conscious” species capable of holding and sharing the full light of unconditional love.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 11:22 pm 
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That would be a pretty damn funny come back in such a situation!

Here's my joke..

What's blue and fucks kids?

























Me in my big blue suit!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:00 am 
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Location: Winnipeg, Canada
What's brown and sticky?























A stick.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:31 am 
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Hey first joke VERY funny. Thanks!

Second and third joke, not even amateur night.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 1:07 am 
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Location: sin city
three old gals are sitting on a park bench when a well-endowed gentleman comes up and flashes them. two of the gals have a stroke . . . but the third couldn't reach that far. :wink:

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"What do we do now, now that we are happy?"


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 9:19 am 
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Location: Sheffield on Sea
whats green and smells of bacon....



















Kermits cock!

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I did used to be GOLDEN BOY


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 10:01 am 
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2 sausages and an egg are sitting in a frying pan
the egg looks over to the sausages and says
"hot in here, lads"
the sausage turns to the other sausage and goes
"fuckin' hell! ..a talking egg!!"

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....as told to a boil on the cab driver's neck, again


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 5:20 pm 
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Location: auckland
3 good jokes -- thought i'd share a couple funnies before an early flight.

for the big breasts and penis crowd:

An old farmer and his wife are lying in bed. He leans over one night, touches her breast, and says, "If this thing could still give milk, we could get rid of the cow." She reaches over and grabs his member. "And if this thing could still get hard," she says, "we could get rid of the dog." :shock: :shock:

for anyone else:

The CIA is interviewing three potential agents -- two men and a woman. For the final test, they bring one of the male candidates to a door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what," says the interviewer. "Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."
"You can't be serious," the man says. "I could never shoot my wife."
"Then you're not the right man for the job," says the interviewer.
The second man is given the same instructions. Five minutes later, he emerges with tears in his eyes and says, "I can't."
Finally, the woman is given the test, but with her husband. She takes the gun and enters the room. Shots are heard, then screaming, crashing, and banging. After a few minutes, she comes out and wipes the sweat from her brow. "You didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks," she says. "I had to beat him to death with the chair." :lol:

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and when i met her in the park
dancing naked after dark
i got dressed cause it started to rain
now i know i'll never see her again


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:24 pm 
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To add to all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which went unnoticed last week. Larry la Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey". He died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in... and then the trouble started.

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....as told to a boil on the cab driver's neck, again


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:14 pm 
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"Grandpa, will you make a noise like a great big bullfrog?"

"But why, my dear?"

"Cuz Grandma told me when you croak, she'll take me to Disneyland."


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 12:29 am 
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Location: Ft. Lauderdale, FL
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor. And the eye doctor says, "sir, you have a cataract", and the asian says "No I don't, I drive a rincoln navigator."
ha...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 3:30 am 
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Location: Bah-stun, Massachusetts, USA
ilovvhank wrote:
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor. And the eye doctor says, "sir, you have a cataract", and the asian says "No I don't, I drive a rincoln navigator."
ha...


Awesome!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 3:53 am 
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Stevie Wonder jokes, cause he's touring NZ soon.

What does Stevie Wonders wife do after an argument?

Re arrange the furniture

What goes 'ring! ring! AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!"

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

-.---...--.-.-...--.-.-.--...--...-.-.-.....

Love,

Stevie Wonder.

(I know, it's not even brail..)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 7:47 am 
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2 turds walk into a bar
barman goes no chance yer both shitfaced

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....as told to a boil on the cab driver's neck, again


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 6:40 pm 
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Location: Austin, Texas
One night a man rolls over in bed, giving his wife a big grin. She says, "Not tonight, honey. You know I have a gynecologist's appointment tomorrow. I want to feel as fresh as I can." The man, feeling rejected, rolls over and tries to go to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls over and asks her, "Do you have a dentist's appointment tomorrow?"

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War is Peace.
Freedom is Slavery.
Ignorance is Strength.
Keep Music Evil.


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